Sunday, July 02, 2006
More Thoughts on Being Family-centered
So, I've still been mulling over this idea of being family-centered. I think I've come to some new realizations. One is that we don't make decisions on meeting needs based on the hierarchy of the family. In other words, we don't believe that mom and dad should get their needs met first because they are higher on the totem pole. I think this might be what bothers me so much about the marriage/parent-centered dynamic. The idea that the marriage or parents have somehow more value than the children. We want to meet needs based on the need. As the adults in the family, my husband and I understand that we may have to wait to get our needs met. We have the capability to understand waiting. In our family, the youngest is usually getting most needs met first. Why? Here's an example, my husband and I want to go have dinner to get "quality" time. In order to do that, my dd will have to sacrifice her need for nourishment from loss of breastfeeding and safety from us not being there. See, to me, her need trumps my need for an uninterrupted steak. Especially since I know this stage in her life really doesn't last that long and that my dh and I, as adults, can come up with other options to meet our need for quality time. So, I'm not saying that we don't take care of our marriage. We do. We just don't need to do it in a way that sends a message to our kids that we are more important than them.